Just the one?

When you invite yourself into someone else’s world with questions like the one posed in the title, don’t be surprised if you sometimes get an answer you may be uncomfortable with. I try to be pretty open and honest with our story when someone asks, and heck even when someone doesn’t ask sometimes.
We were in Dallas this past weekend and there was a family sitting next to us at breakfast that had their hands full with 4 children. 2 older boys close in age and a baby girl and baby boy close in age. The little girl reminded of a dear friend’s child, prominent eyebrows, lots of dark hair, and even a similar name. This friend of mine no longer lives close but she is someone I cherish dearly and when I think of her I always try to send her a message to let her know I’ve got her on my mind. I told the lady how beautiful her little girl was and how much she reminded me of my friend’s child. This of course led to the opening of a friendly morning conversation. We exchanged information like where we were from, what we were doing in Dallas, and all the other casual things you talk to strangers about. Turns out we were all headed to the Gaylord hotel later for their ICE exhibit. The husband in this family mentioned being glad the hotel provided a shuttle and I mentioned I would be taking the explorer because I like to be in control and driving allows me that opportunity. And that’s when it happened….
He said, “You must only have one kid.” Instant gut punch. I could have gotten upset, which I did, but I think I did ok hiding it in my face, and instead decided to take the opportunity to let him into my world. When people say things like that we can either get upset over it and mull over it for hours or days or weeks or we can take the opportunity to be honest with our feelings and hopefully educate people on the importance of being more sensitive to situations. I told him that yes I do only have the one but we were hoping to make it 2 (and some day 3), and that we are currently seeking fertility treatments and will likely be back in Dallas in 2 weeks for our first IUI. That’s when the next gut punch came, only it was a little different this time. He said, “Oh she’s not yours?”
Not mine?! What the heck did that even mean?!!!! My heart ached for my friends who have gone the road of adoption either in the face of infertility or out of it. What seems like such an innocent question can have HUUUUUUGGGGGEEEEE emotional triggers for adults and kids alike. I’m not saying everyone needs to always walk on egg shells but truly think of how you pose your questions or comments. It might be more effort to consider words more carefully but I promise it’s worth the effort and means the world to those who are on the receiving end of questions. Working in patient care I frequently get asked about my family, and whether I have kids, and of course “how many”, “boy or girl”, and then again “just one?” or “when are you going to have number 2?” I don’t hold back anymore. If me sharing my story can help make just one person more sensitive to how they ask questions regarding someone’s parenting status then I’ve accomplished something. Not only that, but it then gives me a chance to share about God and all He has already accomplished. I get to tell them what a miracle Sara Grace is! I joked with the man at breakfast and said “Sometimes I think Sara Grace truly will be our only child and that’s why God made her such a chill baby and good kid because we won’t be getting another.” The man was a good sized fella and he rubbed his belly and said “Girl, you gotta speak life into that womb! Only speak life!” I was glad our conversation was well received on both sides.
I’ve been trying to think about what verse I wanted to share this week. In my infertility devotional I came across the story of the Shunamite woman. She and her husband were childless. She knew Elisha was a prophet of God so she asked her husband if they could make a room for the man to stay there as he travelled through, and they also provided meals for him. Elisha had his servant ask what they could do for the woman for her acts of service and kindness and the servant replied that she had no son and her husband was old. Elisha prophesied that the woman would have a son close to this time next year and she said “Please, man of God, don’t mislead your servant.” She did become pregnant and bore a son about the time Elisha said she would. When the child was older he was in the field with his father when he began to yell “My head, my head!” The boy was carried to his mother where he then died in her arms. She immediately made the decision to go to the man of God and from a distance he saw her and sent his servant to ask if everything was ok. In faith she proclaimed “It is well.” She was believing God who gave her this son would give life to him one more time. Even in the face of the immense heartache she was experiencing she was able to say “It is well!” Friends I can promise you this, I do not know that I would be able to say the same thing that soon after my child’s death. This woman knew that God was not intimidated by her need, or the size of the miracle needed. Elisha travelled back to her home with her and went into the room with the boy to pray. He lay on top of the boy twice and paced the room and then the boy sneezed seven times (God’s perfect number) and he came back to life. Not every story ends with such good news, and this woman didn’t for sure know the outcome of her heartache, but in the midst of the devastation she was still able to say “It is well!” My prayer going into my appointments, and conversations, and interactions and even future turmoils is to be able to say “It is well.” I didn’t know this till today, but the old hymn “It Is Well With My Soul” was written in a time of immense tragedy for a husband/father. Look it up if you get a chance. (Here’s a link to save you the time 🙂 https://www.godupdates.com/story-behind-it-is-well-with-my-soul/ )
It’s an amazing story of faith and how God can triumph even in the darkest days, and it’s also an absolutely beautiful song!
Right now Sara Grace is “just the one.” I still have hope there will one day be a 2 and a 3. It dawned on me the other day though how blessed I am that she is just the one. My arms comfortably are able to hold just the one right now. While 2 would also be a huge blessing it will be hard to have moments like the one below with multiples running around. The moments would be just as sweet with 2 or 3, but this is my first baby girl and I get to cherish even more individual time with just her for now.

We officially travel back to Dallas on November 26! This officially makes 12 months of “trying” so it makes the sting of infertility feel a little more real. I will have my day 13 follicle check ultrasound to see if my follicles are ready to be triggered with an HCG shot and to check my endometrial lining to see if it healthy and thick enough to sustain a pregnancy. The following day we will have our first IUI. We triggered with clomid to have Sara Grace. The HCG shot makes  a pregnancy test show up positive, so what many women do and what I did in the past was test every day to watch it fade gradually and know it was out of my system before getting a true positive. This can be exciting but it can also be really disheartening if it fades and then doesn’t become truly positive. You may be thinking this is expensive just wasting a bunch of pregnancy test but Walmart makes some pretty accurate 88 cent ones that do the job. Speaking of expensive, we were able to contact the HR director at Danny’s job and the insurance company and it appears we will continue to have infertility coverage going into next year! Praise God! My plan is to write an email to the HR director expressing my gratitude that they have chosen this benefit in the insurance plan and to advocate for continued infertility coverage for the company. I have come across so many stories of women who were able to influence health insurance policy changes in their companies because they did not originally have that kind of coverage. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your work place for important issues. Be sincere and fact driven with your requests. You never know what you can accomplish till you speak up sometimes.
Back to the IUI though. I spoke with Dr. Saleh’s nurse a couple days ago and let her know how well I responded to the femara and how I had significantly less side effects. She said we could definitely continue with it instead of the clomid. That’s the other thing….you don’t always have to go on the recommendations of your Dr. If there is something you are wanting for your medical care don’t be afraid to speak up and ask questions.
I had my baseline ultrasound yesterday to rule out any cysts on my ovaries and there were none, and they also performed an antral follicle count to number how many follicles I had on each ovary that would have the chance to mature and release eggs. This can also be an indicator of ovarian reserve. I don’t recall what number they are looking for but I definitely had plenty. So, the nurse will mail order my HCG (Ovidrel) injection and I will bring it to my appointment with me. If all looks good on day 13 ultrasound we will trigger and then do IUI the next day and then wait another 2 weeks! Thanks to those keeping up with my story and for all the continued prayers!