All it takes is one!

“All it takes is one.”
“It’s in God’s timing.”
“Just relax.”
“If it’s meant to be it’ll be.”
“You can always adopt.”
“It will happen when you stop thinking about it.”
“God is in control.”
These are all things that don’t help someone going through infertility or secondary infertility feel better about their situation. Sometimes/most of the time they are said with the best of intentions, and while the things about God are ABSOLUTELY TRUE it still doesn’t feel good to hear it sometimes. As a believer we absolutely know God is in control, and hearing these truths doesn’t make them any less true, but it also doesn’t change the current situation we are facing. All this to say, if someone going through infertility becomes upset after hearing one of these popular sayings, give them grace but also be understanding that it’s ok for them to be upset with their situation while being able to trust God in the circumstances.
All this to say, today my hope is in the fact that it does indeed only take one! Do you know how many ones we had?! We had 18.7 million ones! Today was truly a Christmas miracle!
I don’t know what exactly my expectations for today were. I wouldn’t even say I was cautiously optimistic before our appointment. I am always panicking about the timing of things instead of just letting go and letting God. How many times does He have to show up in the details before I actually fully trust Him?
It’s been a long week. Our new Dr. started to do blood work and ultrasound scans last Thursday since I ovulated so much earlier last cycle. For some reason though my body decided to move at a little slower pace this time around. Had we been in Dallas like originally planned it really would have messed with our week because my body wasn’t actually ready for a trigger shot till Monday of this week. Thursday, Saturday, and Monday all involved me going to the fertility clinic for bloodwork  to monitor hormone levels (LH and E2) and ultrasound to monitor follicle size and endometrial thickness to ensure I was not ovulating before our trigger and IUI and to make sure my follicles were the optimal size for trigger (preferred above 18mm). This month has been crazy because I have gotten multiple false positives on OPKs (ovulation predictor kits), and thank God they monitored bloodwork because it showed that my LH (luteinizing hormone) was not actually surging. But the doubter in me kept on and kept on panicking despite the reassurance from my physician.
Monday my endometrial thickness was perfect and I had two nice sized follicles on my right ovary (the non scarred one), as well as a smaller one. The two perfect sized ones were 19 and 23.5 mm, and the smaller was 14mm. The 23.5 mm one grew in only two days from a 16 mm. The ovidrel injection replaces the body’s natural LH surge to initiate the final maturation of eggs, and begin the process of ovulation to occur. It also works to help thicken the endometrial lining some and continue to grow the follicles, so there is a chance the 14 mm could actually become large enough to contain a mature egg as well.
I triggered at home Monday night at 10:30 pm…waaaay past my bed time. I continued to panic that my LH surge would start before triggering. And I continued to panic that I would ovulate Tuesday before the IUI on Wednesday, but it all worked out exactly like it should and I know for a fact ovulation occurred almost 36 hours exactly post trigger shot when it is supposed to, which is also about the time our IUI occurred.
Going into our appointment today I decided not to be optimistic because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. This year’s counts have been so variable, and not anywhere near where we’d like them so I decided to lean towards realistic expectations based off the past year instead of hopeful that they would be improved. In my prayer this morning I asked God to continue to restore our hope that IUIs is where he wants us to proceed. While I’m not against IVF, my heart’s desire is to avoid it if possible at this time. God answered in a BIG BIG BIG way today. They called us back for the IUI procedure. Before completing the procedure they have you look at the “sample” tube and verify names and dates. My heart was just a pounding. The nurse then said, “Well you’ve got 18.7 million and he likes at least 2 so you’ve got plenty.”
WOW! Did she really just say 18.7 million?!!!!! We had just under 3 million at our last IUI so things are definitely looking up this month. I was thinking she must mean 18.7 million before they washed. Dr. V came in and completed the IUI. He cracked several jokes and kept things light hearted. Then he discussed total counts with us. Our total count was right at 110 million pre-wash. Sperm samples have to be “washed” before completing an IUI because the prostaglandins and chemicals surrounding them naturally can cause a lot of pain, among other issues, if inserted in the uterus directly without washing. Back to the numbers though…. 110 million y’all!!! We were at 111 million when we got pregnant with Sara Grace so we haven’t seen those kind of numbers in over 2 years! This was our most specific prayer answered in a HUGE way today!
So today, I’ll gladly accept the phrase “It takes just one” because we have lots of ones. Today was a sign of hope that things aren’t hopeless.
Even when the outcome isn’t what we desire, I know better than to think things are hopeless, because my hope lies in Jesus. Not to cure my infertility, even though He absolutely can, but the hope that He died for me so that I might live, and that I might have eternal life with Him and the Father in Heaven!
I hope you all had an amazing Christmas. Thank you for your prayers and messages of encouragement. Thank you if you’re a fellow sister also going through infertility and have reached out just to let me know you feel connected.