I wish I could share good news with you all but unfortunately this month is another “No” for us. Sorry to keep you all in suspense as I didn’t write last week, but things have just been extremely busy lately, and honestly I’m feeling a little overwhelmed with all the Dr. appointments and constant planning around dates. I can truly say I’m at a point where I don’t even get sad anymore though and just accept it as a reality. I don’t mean that to sound negative, although I’m sure it does. I still know God is the God of miracles and I know He will get us through this no matter the outcome.
He has sent me constant reminders lately that I am not in this alone and He is with me.
If you’ve been reading this blog so far then you know I don’t really hold much back and I’m pretty open and honest about our story. I’ve mentioned being in the medical/therapy home health field often comes with patients asking me about my kid status, so naturally I let them know where we are at. Not just for the sake of honesty but I also sometimes need to mention that unexpected appointments may come up and I may need to change plans sometimes. In the last 3-4 months almost every single patient I’ve had, and even patient’s family members, have shared a personal story that either they have gone through or their children have gone through concerning infertility. It touches my heart that they are so understanding and share their story with me. And all of their stories have positive outcomes. Infertility treatments come with a certain stigma and I have friends that have shared their stories about negative comments they’ve received because of their decisions to pursue IVF or other options. Often times those remarks come from “Christians” and especially older adults, so it is not something I take for granted when I get encouragement from an older generation when I talk about our decision to potentially be looking into IVF.
I’ve found that when I start to get too involved with out infertility story I miss out on what God is doing in other areas. He is a God worthy of praise always, even in our trials. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I got my first speeding ticket. I truly thought I was in a 45 MPH zone and the officer clocked me going 47, but turns out I was in a 35. We have had a time trying to figure out what I actually owed on the ticket and over the holidays it was near impossible to actually get someone on the phone to find out what the fee was. I was able to contact someone this week and it was a whopping 295 bucks! OUCH! Not a cost we were expecting to incur this month, but it happens. So we paid it.
And guess what? Today I got the mail, and there was a check for reimbursement from a Dr. that I haven’t been to in almost 2 years. And do you know what the amount was? Almost 280$! We received an unexpected check that almost completely covered the expense of that ticket! That my friends is what you call a God story!
There is a well known woman, author, evangelist, motivational speaker, actress, etc. by the name of Priscilla Shirer. A few months ago our bible study group was doing one of her’s called One In A Million: Journey to your promised land and it was about God being present even in the wilderness and learning to go to Him when we are stuck in the deserts. He often times shows up when we aren’t even looking for Him, and sometimes we are so stubborn that we don’t even think to ask Him for help out of wilderness. But He’s always there. She shared a story she calls the 500$ story and it reminds me so much of what happened to us today.
When I encountered this story in our study she encouraged us to recall our own 500$ story, but I struggled coming up with one and that made me sad, because it made me realize that I’m probably not giving God the credit that He deserves because He truly is involved in every detail of our lives. And God stories don’t always have to be this mystical, but boy it sure seems even more special when they are.
I went back to the specialist today for our baseline ultrasound for the month and all was clear so we are beginning a new plan this month. I told Dr. V I think we only want to give IUIs two more tries before moving onto IVF and he completely agreed with that decision. Looking back on this last year, we’re now on our 9th medicated cycle, and it kind of just blows my mind when I stop to think about that. I also inquired about his recommendations on combining gonadotropins with our femara this month and he told me he was just about to ask me if I was interested in that. I absolutely love Dr. V because he encourages me to think and discuss options with him and he does not get bothered when I bring up my opinion on our treatment plan. His exact words today were, “I’ve told you before that you are very bright and from a Dr. standpoint it’s really kind of fun having you as a patient as we get to often have these discussions I don’t usually get to with other patients.” I let him know I appreciated his willingness to talk science so much with me and how I wished so many of my other Drs would do the same thing.
I’m also having another diagnostic test run next week. I continue to have spotting early on despite normal progesterone levels so Dr. V thinks we should do a hydrosonogram to rule out any polyps or fibroids in my uterus. Prayers for that to come back clear would be greatly appreciated.
We doubled my dose of femara for this month, and I will begin follistim injections on day 7, 9, and 11. Dr. V asked if I was ok with twins, and I of course said yes. He had to give me the warning because there is a slight increased chance of multiples with the use of gonadotropins. I go back on day 12 to begin ultrasound and hormone level monitoring all over again then we do the HCG trigger again when follicles are ready. Costs are already adding up again because this new round of medication costs quite a bit more, and we are also having to meet our deductible. Leaving the office today and getting the instructions for my injections left me feeling very overwhelmed. That’s the first time since seeing a fertility specialist I’ve felt that way, and I’m sure that’s the way a lot of people going through this feel. I’m having to constantly be in contact with our insurance company to get information about filing claims for non covered costs for labs and medicines. It feels downright exhausting sometimes, but I know it will all be worth it one day.
In the midst of feeling overwhelmed though, I am so thankful for the 500$ story God gave us today. I know He cares about what we are going through, and I’m thankful He gave us a blessing today that was unexpected. I pray He is blessing those who are reading this story, and I pray He gives you an amazing 500$ story as well. I may take a different approach to my blogs soon. Instead of weekly I think I may stretch them out a little farther. I’m hoping it will help me feel less overwhelmed with everything going on right now. While it started out as something to help me cope it’s now also becoming a reminder a little too frequently that things aren’t where I’d like them to be. And that’s ok, but I just want to be honest.
We would love your continued prayers. If you could kick them up a notch for this next dive into more serious meds we would be forever grateful. I’m nervous about my emotions, side effects, and the potential for continued disappointment. But, God is still good even in our deserts, and He hasn’t failed us yet and He never will. Our 500$ story may not be an answer to our infertility right now, but it was still a HUGE blessing and definitely God’s work!
Making a Myers 