Yesterday was the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week. We spent the morning sanding and varnishing shutters to earn money towards our IVF expenses, and then we spent the evening at the aquarium celebrating couples on the other side of their infertility journey and with couples continuing to wait it in hope. Our fertility clinic hosted the event, and were so kind to give away, for free, 2 IUI cycles and an IVF cycle. Sara Grace had a blast running around and got to touch a star fish, a sting ray, and a jelly fish. I got the opportunity to talk to other women about their journeys and share mine as well. Sometimes in the waiting room at the clinic it can feel like you are in a big puddle of everyone’s grief, but that’s not how it felt last night. Last night there was lots of joy, and lots of hope. It was nice to not feel alone in it all. Thank you Arklatex Fertility and Reproductive Medicine for putting this event on and sharing a nice evening with us.
I didn’t win the giveaways, but that’s ok. We prayed over the couple that would receive the IVF cycle in hopes it would be successful for them. I go back and forth in my mind a lot whether we should enter those giveaways since we are very fortunate to have the insurance coverage we have. The reality is though, that even with insurance coverage in the event that we have to continue multiple cycles what we do pay still adds up.
This week I’ve been posting daily on my Facebook wall random infertility facts to bring awareness to certain topics. Yesterday I shared some of the financial facts. The average couple goes through 2.5 rounds of IVF and the average cost of an IVF cycle ranges from $12-15,000, and that’s usually after couples have exhausted other resources for testing and then the less invasive approach of IUIs which cost around $600-$1,500 not including lab monitoring.
If you have given to us financially in the last few months we thank you from the depths of our soul. You will always have a special place in out heart.
I had my hysteroscopy earlier this week. Everything looked fine, and there were no abnormalities with my c-section scar. I am glad to have that peace of mind, but at the same time, we are left with no definite answers as to why I continue to be unable to get pregnant other than we know there are sperm/egg quality issues likely at play. We continue to do all we can though, and we continue to have hope that we will get through this.
When I arrived for my hysteroscopy they of course had to draw labs and do all the routine stuff before anesthesia can be given. I wasn’t expecting to have a breakdown when they stuck me for blood draws. It had been a couple weeks since I’d had an injection so needles were not on my mind, and the break from the monotony of the shots had been nice. The thing about trauma is sometimes it sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I’ve never been one to get upset with needle sticks and blood draws, but I got extremely emotional when the phlebotomist came to draw labs, and then when the nurse came to give me my IV fluids she couldn’t get the catheter in my vein because I was dehydrated, and I’ve never had that issues before. She decided to switch arms, but of course my vein blew anyways and I just began to cry and cry. My momma was there with me though and able to wrap her momma arms around me. I didn’t realize that after getting a break from all the needles, having to endure needles again could make me cry. And now I’ve been walking around all week with HIDEOUS bruises on my forearms.
On top of that, when they wheeled me into the operating room the procedure board said HYSTERECTOMY instead of hysterOSCOPY. I panicked!!!! And begged them to change it before I got put under anesthesia. The nurse chuckled and said “Oh they only misspelled it.” But still! Talk about an anxiety attack!
I’m currently in the process of trying to lose weight before our next cycle begins. I gained 20 pounds in one month y’all! 20 pounds!!!! ONE MONTH!!!! That’s without even really changing my eating habits. Weight has always been a huge obstacle for me. I have terrible body image issues, and it has been probably the 2nd most emotional aspect of all this. (The first being the inability to get pregnant obviously)
I did ideal protein before I got pregnant with Sara Grace and lost almost 30 pounds. Of course I gained it back during pregnancy but lost it pretty quickly after delivery and was able to keep it off the last couple years. I started back ideal protein a couple weeks ago in an effort to at least try and lose 15 pounds before our next cycle, but it is coming off soooo slowly this time. Thanks hormones! I had lost 6 pounds in two weeks, but then they gave me the IV fluids which is 5% sucrose so the very next day after getting those fluids I was back up 3 pounds. So frustrating. I’m determined not to lose this battle during the IVF process.
Finances, emotions, body image issues, loneliness, new fear of needles, fatigue….
There is so much we battle through infertility. But God is still good, and has equipped us with perseverance and joy. Last night’s event brought so much joy after a rough month.
Our newest shirt design says CHOOSE JOY, and the “O” in JOY is a pineapple. When you’re not feeling joyful sometimes you have to choose joy. Our God is the God of joy though and when we struggle in trials we will still choose Him. Because even if He doesn’t cure our infertility He is still good.
James 1:2-3 says,
2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
The story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from the Bible is the ultimate story of where our hearts should line up with our faith. They are threatened with being thrown in the fiery furnace for not bowing down to the King of Babylon. They had faith that God would save them, but went so far as to say even if he doesn’t we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. They had an “even if He doesn’t faith.”
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego did not want to perish in the furnace, and they knew God could deliver them from the fire. But they also understood that God is God and no matter the outcome He is still good.
Month after month I need an “even if He doesn’t faith.” Somedays I have it and other days I struggle. But God is getting me through each day stronger than the last.
God did rescue Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the fire unharmed. We read that after they were thrown in the fire a fourth man was present in the fire with them, and there is lots of debate as to whether it was God or an angel of God, but the point is God provided someone to be there with them and left their bodies and clothes untouched from the fire. The rescuing looks different for every single person and every single person’s story is different, but when you choose God, He is there.
I go back to the Dr.on May 7th for a follow up from my hysteroscopy. We will likely start the birth control around that time for our next IVF cycle. We are looking at another egg retrieval toward the end of June. This time around we will not be doing a fresh transfer, but a frozen transfer instead. This allows my body some time for healing before proceeding with an embryo transfer. Lots of studies out there favor a frozen transfer instead, as the success rates are leaning towards higher percentages. In fact some clinics will only do frozen transfers. The biggest downside to a frozen transfer is having to wait another 6 weeks after egg retrieval.
This time around we will be doing PICSI instead of ICSI. PICSI is a method of selecting the best possible sperm for fertilisation before injection into the egg. Sperm are placed in the PICSI dish containing samples of hyaluronan (a naturally occurring biopolymer found in all human cells) hydrogel. The more mature a sperm cell, the more able it is to bind to hyaluronic acid, meaning that it is better suited to fertilising the egg. There’s not a lot of research out there yet fully supporting it, but it definitely doesn’t hurt out chances to try either. We will be increasing our doses of follicle stimulating drugs. We’re looking at maybe only getting 2-3 more eggs than last time. Nothing at all is predictable with IVF, and you literally can not make decisions on anything until you get to each new step with the information you have available. Every cycle is so variable for women. One time you may get 12 eggs, and another time you may get 20, and then a 3rd time you may get 8. So we just keep on keeping on.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for every dollar, prayer, word of encouragment, shoulder to cry on, listening ear, warm hug, or happy gift you’ve given a long the way.
If you’d like one of our new tee shirts here is the link available to purchase:
https://www.bonfire.com/making-a-myers-2/
Making a Myers 