Josephine Joy’s birth story

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

This is the verse that has been getting me through the days as we quarantine in the reality of a world with COVID-19. I have struggled getting the words together to type or find the desire to write our birth story out because I continue to think what does it really matter when there are so many bigger things going on out there, but I also know our stories in times like these shed light on humanity and the condition of our hearts and become a part of history. I have struggled with my emotions thinking it’s not fair this is our baby girl’s story. But the reality is, it is her story. It’s a big part of her story, and I’m praying every day we will get through this not only with our health, but with a renewed heart with a desire to love greater, not lose hope, and continue to choose joy despite our circumstances.

So, if you’ve been following our journey since we started so long ago, here is what everyone’s been praying for all along. Miss Josephine Joy’s birth story.

03/12/2020: This Thursday officially made me 40 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I was feeling so defeated because I was now again past the 40 week mark of pregnancy and wondering why my body likes such long gestation periods. Sara Grace’s labor began at 40 weeks and 5 days so I knew that was a reality but goodness how I had truly hoped this labor would come on sooner. 3 days earlier New Orleans had seen its first positive COVID case and the day prior Shreveport had gotten their first presumptive case, and just so happened to be diagnosed at the hospital where my OB appointment would be that day. I was so thankful that the L&D floor is located separate from the actual hospital, but I also knew that soon things could be changing with hospital policies very soon and I knew my birth plan was probably going to look even more different than I had envisioned. I started to think about having to do IVF and wondering if my body was just broken and questioning what gentle induction methods I would be comfortable pursuing. At this point they were monitoring my fluid levels, which were on the low end of normal. At nearly 41 weeks pregnant your emotions are fleeting every few minutes and anything that potentially causes worry will be a continuous worry. I asked to be seen at the Dr. 3 hours earlier than my original appointment because I was beginning to panic about how little swelling I was having when the days prior I had been having a moderate amount. The evening prior when I rested my hand on my stomach I could feel baby girl’s tiny little frame under my hand and for some reason that made me even more panicked. We had a biophysical profile ultrasound done and everything looked good, and it temporarily put my mind at ease. I had an emotional breakdown when we saw the Dr. because I just didn’t know when this labor would begin, and I knew I still didn’t want to endure the recovery of another c-section, and certainly the anxiety from what I was seeing in the media regarding COVID-19 had me quite on edge as well. I got some good tears out, we discussed some induction methods, and after an exam it was determined I was 2 cm and 50% effaced so a cook’s catheter balloon could be placed for an induction. We decided if baby girl had not made an appearance by Monday, we would proceed with an induction Tuesday. I was not comfortable going past 41 weeks and I know that certain risks increase after that time and so the induction, while not ideal for me was still the best option for my comfort level.

03/13/2020 Friday the 13th…being someone with weird feelings towards numbers and somewhat of a superstitious person, obviously I didn’t want to have baby today. I was starting to wish I had a leap day baby after all at this point. More positive cases of coronavirus were being diagnosed and hospitals were starting to change their visiting policies for patients and laboring women. As of Friday I was told I would only be allowed 1 visitor, which naturally would have been Danny. I was devastated thinking our doula would be unable to assist because we have been planning to have her with us since I was about 13 weeks pregnant, and I knew she would be an integral part of helping me be successful with a VBAC. I lounged around the house all day, laying on my left side on the couch, and spent countless hours in prayer for what the next days would hold. Danny and Maureen (our doula) had to talk me off a ledge because by evening time I was starting to get extremely emotional about everything and just considering calling the Dr. and asking for a repeat cesarean. I talked myself into potential positives…..It would be planned, I wouldn’t have to labor and then potentially end up with a section, I already knew what a c-section was like, I wouldn’t have to endure back labor as a possibility, I wouldn’t have to stay awake all night laboring….so many options that I could control. Pregnancy and birth teaches you more about lack of control than anything else…or so I thought until this pandemic reared it’s ugly head. Maureen and Danny were able to recenter my thoughts and help me focus on the things I knew for certain….I was healthy….baby was healthy….and there was no need to endure a major surgery if I could avoid it. Maureen’s advice to me was to quit focusing on the hours ahead and the days ahead and to instead focus on just the  next 30 minutes or hour in front of me…so not easy for my type A personality but it really did help.

3/14/2020: I woke up around 4 am with some intense cramping and upon a quick trip to the bathroom in complete darkness it soon became evident after turning the lights on that labor was possibly near as some certain changes had occurred signaling labor was imminent. I’ll spare you the details in case you aren’t into that sort of thing. I rushed to the bedside in excitement to let Danny know we were probably having a baby today or tomorrow. I was thrilled at the possibility of having a baby on Pi Day, but knew it could still be tomorrow or the next day. Very mild contractions soon started up, and while they definitely weren’t uncomfortable they were enough to let me know that my body was definitely getting the show on the road and I was so thankful we would likely not be inducing. A friend from church sent me a message this morning letting me know a L&D nurse friend of hers at the hospital let her know that husbands and another support person would be allowed at the hospital. I cried happy tears thanking God for providing this blessing because it was such a huge part of my support system.
Around 6 a.m. Mom and I went to walmart where I started stocking up on some grocery essentials. We went to Michael’s to get some activities to keep Sara Grace entertained, because at this point in the COVID story the governor had shut down schools already and I knew that meant we were potentially looking at being quarantined with a 3 year old for a few weeks. These store trips were enough to keep me distracted and not focused on the contractions. I was able to get an afternoon nap, and unlike the previous two weeks contractions had not fizzled yet. My mother and father in law brought Sara Grace back from their house as they had blessed us with a couple days of rest by watching her. I decided around 6 or 7 to try and get some sleep in case this turned into full blown labor. Sleep didn’t happen though and around 9 things started to get a little more uncomfortable. I decided to take a bath to try and relax and around 10 I got out of the bath and things just started picking up more. I called Maureen to let her know we’d likely be getting this show on the road sometime in the very near future. The next several hours consisted of me listening to nature meditation music, walking around my bathroom, laying in bed on my left side with my peanut ball, cat/cows, rocking back and forth over my yoga ball, some deep squats, and a few tears. Contractions were painful but not really increasing in intensity, and were still a little sporadic timing wise.

03/15/2020 Around 1:00 a.m. I was really starting to feel the tired because I had been up since 4 am the day prior. I woke Danny up from the living room because by this point it felt impossible to endure the pain alone. He laid next to me in bed and rubbed my back and let me cry through some of my discomfort. Things still didn’t seem to have a consistent rhythm. Around 3 a.m. I called the labor and delivery unit to see if hospital policy was still allowing husband and another support person, and they were. The nurses knew to be expecting me likely in the next few hours. 5:00 things started getting even more painful so I decided to give Maureen a ring and let her know I was probably ready for her to join us at the house. She could tell from my sounds I was getting into a rhythm but agreed things may not be timing just right yet and decided to come over and be able to assess any changes in person as far as my demeanor and help with timing things. My mom came over in the event we had to leave so she could watch SG and then Maureen got to the house somewhere around 5:30 to 6:00 and we started timing spacing and length of contractions while she helped me focus on comfort measures and breathing. I tried to eat some bites of yogurt and applesauce but I just couldn’t stomach it so we set it aside and I continued to hydrate instead. Things finally started getting more into a rhythm and I would occasionally have some pushing urges. I decided around 6:30 I was ready to head to the hospital. The car had been packed for weeks already so we didn’t have to spend any time getting things together. We arrived at the hospital around 7 a.m. and the beauty of  a weekend labor is the L&D floor was not busy with scheduled patients yet. ACOG recommends continuous monitoring with a VBAC but that still allowed me enough mobility to change positions as I felt necessary. They checked my cervix upon admission and I was 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. Already such a different experience from my first labor where I stayed at a 1.5 for almost 16 hours.
Dr. T showed up at some point after they had determined I was 4 cm and I remember coming out of the bathroom to see her in the room and we talked a little and affirmed that going for this VBAC was still the goal.
While in the hospital bed we decided to try a sidelying release position which required me lying on my side for the duration of at least three contractions while allowing my top leg to hang over and off the side of the bed and then repeating on the other side. We started on the right and then did the left side. This allows the pelvis to open up and allow for baby to position better and descend. The next couple of hours were a blur but I remember standing some, leaning over the yoga ball some, and having the nurses come in several times to readjust the monitor because with my movement it was hard to maintain consistent readings on baby J’s heart rate and contractions. They had to do this several times and while I had imagined that would be a pain in the butt to deal with, it really wasn’t too bad. Things continued to intensify and I threw up A LOT, well a lot for me. I think maybe like 6 or 7 times. And y’all….Danny was a champ dealing with throw up. He does not handle being around throw up well at all but he held that emesis bucket for me like it was the biggest honor he’s ever had. We decided maybe around 11:00 to try another position for helping baby position. I got on my left side with the peanut ball under my right leg at 90 degrees and my bottom leg extended out, and then my left arm and shoulder behind me and my right shoulder and arm leaning forward….not quite on my stomach but definitely an awkward and uncomfortable position when you’re writhing in pain and exhausted from focused laboring at almost 12 hours. It only took 1 contraction in this position for me to scream and beg for the peanut ball to be removed and this was what I remember to be probably the most painful and intense contraction I had. After that one contraction I begged for the epidural! Because it seemed like I was possibly entering a new phase of labor we decided to ask for another cervical check. It was determined I was 6-7 cm and 90% effaced at this point. Being the weekend there was only 1 anesthesiologist at the hospital which meant I would be waiting sometime for him to get there, and anyways they had to administer IV fluids before I could get the epidural. So they hooked my up to my fluids and all I could do for the next hour was lay on my left side, cry, scream and moan through contractions, squeeze Danny and Maureen’s hands, continue to throw up, and ask every 10 minutes where the heck my epidural was. By almost 12:30 contractions were coming one on top of the other and this was definitely the point of transition. I kept saying “I can’t do this!” and Danny and Maureen would remind me that  I was doing it! I could no longer control myself, I moved into positions that my body instinctually went into, and I somehow ended up into a hands and knee position and could not control the urge to to push. By this point the anesthesiologist came into the room and I was already pushing. I heard and felt a pop and my water broke at this point. There was some meconium staining to it which is to be expected the closer to 41 weeks you get, which is why I wasn’t comfortable going past that point. Because I was having such intense pushing urges as well as intense burning which I was thinking was the infamous “ring of fire”, they decided to check my cervix one more time. I was at 9 cm! Without the epidural….I absolutely couldn’t believe it! The nurses notified Dr. T that I had made it to a 9. Everyone asked if I was sure I still wanted the epidural and I was screaming yes! I just needed to relax some and be able to rest because I was so tired! The anesthesiologist, Dr. Gill I believe, was amazing with his placement of the epidural. I didn’t feel a thing getting it and he managed to do it while I was in the transition phase of labor with contractions happening one after another, and where he placed it allowed me to still feel contraction waves at the top of my stomach which would ultimately help me with pushing. Within 5 minutes of getting the epidural I was still having very strong urges to push and so with one more check Dr. T determined I had made it 10 cm and the +1 station which meant baby J had made it past my pelvic inlet and was ready to come out! I hadn’t even had the baby yet and I was already crying because I had made it to 10 cm which never happened with my first delivery and I knew deep down this VBAC was about to be a success! You always hear that when you get to 10cm it’s automatically pushing time, but instead of going straight to pushing I asked if I could relax for an hour. And I’m so glad I took that hour to relax because it’s just what I needed. I was able to calm down and collect my thoughts, and really truly relax, and me being me I of course decided to put a fresh face of makeup on! Yes, really! After an hour I let the nurses know I was ready for the final stage! Dr. T came in and she explained very thoroughly what pushing was like and how pushing with an epidural was different because you don’t have the ejection reflex. Her explanation was spot on and because I could still feel contractions in the top of my stomach I was able to feel my pushes. Baby J’s heart rate would get very high at some points during pushing and they had to put oxygen on me. Dr. T was encouraging me with every push how close I was getting, and she told me she could see Josephine’s hair which was a surprise because we all know how long Sara Grace went without having any hair. After 30 minutes of pushing Josephine Joy made her entrance into the world at 2:04 p.m. When Josephine came out her cord was wrapped over her shoulder and around her little belly. She had swallowed some fluid but was still able to do immediate skin to skin with me for a little while. They had to get her O2 levels up though so they took her to the incubator and were able to get her stabilized within about 30 minutes. She eventually showed interest in nursing and has been nursing like a pro ever since! In the middle of stitching me up I was trying to give Dr. T a high five and she reminded me she was doing some important business down low and needed her hands clean but we were able to elbow bump. I was in complete awe of what had just happened and so thankful for a successful VBAC. It was truly overcoming one of my biggest fears, but with the right support from Danny, Maureen, Dr. T, Dr. Diamond (my chiropractor), and my family I had all the tools necessary to press on and I am so very thankful for my village of support in this story! Our story didn’t start out how we imagined dealing with the infertility, and Josephine’s entrance into the world isn’t necessarily what I wanted her story to be either concerning this COVID-19 pandemic, but achieving my VBAC was a HUGE victory over the things in our story that weren’t ideal.

The days following Josephine’s arrival have been up and down with emotions as we haven’t gotten to see family and friends like we wanted. We are doing our part in self quarantining for not only our safety but the rest of the population as well. Our sweet Sara Grace is going stir crazy being at home all day but she really is doing the best she can, and I’m not taking for granted the time with my family that might not ever have happened otherwise. Josephine Joy means “may Jehovah add joy” and her name is so fitting for these times because some days joy is only possible through God. God is so good, and while some might question His goodness in times like these, I am holding firm to the truth that He remains an ever present help in times of trouble. I’ve been reminding myself that He is also an ever present help in times of joy and trying to remember every good thing and remember His work in our life these last 2 years. Each day I try to start out with a mentality of gratitude and list at least 5 things I’m thankful for. Mindfulness with gratefulness can sustain you well in emotional and desperate times. I’m praying daily for expectant momma’s that their deliveries would be  peaceful and fulfilling and safe, and also praying for the healthcare workers continuing to be exposed on the front lines and work through these times. I don’t know what tomorrow looks like, or next week, or the next month, but I have faith that when we get through this we will all love a little more, be more grateful for our interactions with one another, and never take for granted the things that have temporarily been taken away. May God’s sustaining grace get you through each day, hour by hour. I leave you with a word of hope, and the verse I’ve clung to for the last two years.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13